I feel weary. I seem to always have these bouts - when I chaff under my life. Everytime, I clearly recognize my ingratitude and I repent. God has blessed me with my job - it is a means to provide for us while Jonathan studies. It has so many other perks too, things God knew would be useful to me. He was very thoughtful in giving me this job. But to be perfectly honest, I often hate it. I hate that I spent so many years preparing to be a teacher, but I am a secretary - call it Administrative Assistant all you want. I hate that the majority of my life is spent within this building, this room. I hate that there are so many things I think about during the day that I want to do at home, but by the time I get there, I am brain and body weary and only do the bare minimum. I just never thought that my contribution to my marriage and family would be to bring home the money. I always thought that I had no problem giving of myself - I have a strong propensity to help and serve, but I'm realizing that is only true if the service comes from a place I have approved. I am usually able to keep up the pretense that this is not really what I do - I am a student and a wife and a church leader - but sometimes it catches up to me, if I look strictly at my time, I am a secretary - eight hours of everyday is spent in this office. It is only temporary I suppose, but I have this aweful dread in my heart that this may be how I have to serve my family always - even after Jonathan finishes school. So, I guess in the end, I am not grateful and I am not satisfied but I do wish that I was.