The other morning when Jonathan and I woke up - he looked at me very concerned and said seriously - I think Lexi has a crush on me. Whew, I'm still laughing. Apparently when he wakes up at night she is staring at him with her paw touching is face ever so gently. Next to him is certainly her favorite place to be - smart cat.

I read a new Young Adult book every week for class (YA Lit). It really is quite wonderful to say - I have to do my homework now and then to plop down on the sofa with an entertaining book :) I've been enjoying this class for the most part. We just finished the book In the Name of God. The protagonist is a devout muslim girl. I liked the angles of the story - she was devoted to her religion, and also a teenage girl. It was thought-provoking and I would LOVE to teach it to a high school class - get them thinking and talking.

The other class is Sociolinguistics - a graduate seminar focusing on male/female language. Also an interesting class. The teacher has come out of retirement to teach it and I appreciate her in many ways. She knows so much - she was around when this field really starting booming in the 70's. The only problem is that she has so much information she finds it difficult to stop talking :) There hasn't been as much room for discussion as I would have liked. But the reading is facinating. And I have decided on my research paper - I'm going to explore the feminization of the Christian church. Why is the church so predominately female - when did this phenomena start - and why, linguistically, does the church seem to be attracting more females than males. I have a couple theories, but I have to see where the research leads.

Anyway, such is my academic life right now.

I'm wondering more and more if I'm supposed to be going in another direction in my life. I find that different things catch and hold my attention now. For example, I am taking graduate classes in English Literature - and I enjoy it - I enjoy reading and discussing literature. I get off about an hour and a half earlier on Mondays so that I have time to study for said classes - at one time that would have dominated my thoughts - study and research and be the best graduate student in the department. But now I find my mind instead wandering to recipes and furniture rearangement and ways to make healthy lunches ahead of time for my husband. And I enjoy it - I really enjoy it. I love that today he gets to eat stuffed green peppers for lunch instead of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich - and I love that I made enough muffins for breakfast and some black bean burgers for lunch for the next few days - and all the laundry is clean and folded - and reading over this now, it looks like a feminists nightmare come true huh? But I'm not a feminist, I am feminine though, and something inside drives me to do and enjoy such things, at least at this stage in my life. Instead of reading articles on Twain and Austen - I find myself searching out the blogs of mothers and wives - reading about their triumphs and disappointments, and taking to heart the lessons they have learned...storing them up in my mind until they are needed. And more and more everyday, I think of my child and how I will love and care for her or him.

I'm not sure what to do with such a change of heart - I work fulltime - I am not able to do these things I desire everyday, and I cannot have a baby simply to turn around a let someone else care for him or her. I do not want to become bitter that I have to work - I am going to praise God for the way He is providing, but I'm not going to stop also asking Him if there is another way - another route with an outlet to this domestic desire within me.

I am Jodi Michelle Kendall Burnett. I am messed up by my culture - both family culture and societal. I am messed up by my own sense of pride and sinfulness. I am not the best in the world at anything - I am not even the best amoung my aquaintences at anything. I can usually think of at least 3 other people who would be better at any given task than I would. What, you say, is the importance of all this self-deprecating honesty? That's the same question God seems to be asking me. In His ever so subtle yet persistent way He has shown me that he doesn't care one little iota about me being the best at something. He doesn't care if there are others who can say it more elequently or decorate it prettier or lead it more perceptively. He wants me to do what He asks - me - not someone else with better skills. Even as I write this, honestly, my efficient brain is having a hard time accepting it - I may need a few more lessons.

But now I am trying to listen to what he's asking of me. I no longer refuse things based on the premise that someone else could do it better, and we'll see what happens.