As Jonathan and I were walking home the other day - I saw a little girl out in her front lawn - completely lost in her imagination. She had a small doll with a pretty pink tulle skirt that she was dancing with and talking to. I wished we could have walked by invisibly - I remembered the startle that comes when you realize there are "outsiders" - nothing shoves you sharper into real life than a stranger watching you "play". And she was startled - I just smiled at her then looked away - hoping she could quickly sink back into the world I had ripped her from, although I knew she would now be more aware of the road in front of her and who might be on it.
I saw her and I remembered - almost achingly. I used to spend hours outside - my favorites were windy days - twirling in the breeze - talking to my dolls - my cat - my dog - myself. I can't remember the conversations - even then I knew half the time they didn't make sense, I was just talking and imagining. She was at that -on the verge- age - she has only a short time left of just being a child, soon she will no longer dare to loose herself to that secret world out in the front yard where *gasp* someone might see her. She will slowly loose the inventions of her own mind and will fill it instead with the inventions of others' minds. And all I can say is - just keep twirling little girl - keep twirling - don't worry about what people think - enjoy the breeze and the company of your doll for as long as you can.
I saw her and I remembered - almost achingly. I used to spend hours outside - my favorites were windy days - twirling in the breeze - talking to my dolls - my cat - my dog - myself. I can't remember the conversations - even then I knew half the time they didn't make sense, I was just talking and imagining. She was at that -on the verge- age - she has only a short time left of just being a child, soon she will no longer dare to loose herself to that secret world out in the front yard where *gasp* someone might see her. She will slowly loose the inventions of her own mind and will fill it instead with the inventions of others' minds. And all I can say is - just keep twirling little girl - keep twirling - don't worry about what people think - enjoy the breeze and the company of your doll for as long as you can.
When I sensed myself moving into adolescence, I used to weep in my bed at night, feeling the ache of losing my childhood, of not being able to imagine quite as easily--I never wanted it to end. In my head I had my own little world and it was lovely, beautiful, adventurous. I still played dollhouse behind closed doors long into my early teens, but I MISSED escaping to that imaginative place anywhere and anytime. I still miss it!
Such a poignant post, Jodi!
Have you listened to Norah Jones "Spinning, Laughing, Dancing" in a while? It's my mom's favorite song of hers.
"Spinning laughing, dancing to her favorite song. She's a little girl with nothing wrong, and she's all alone. Eyes wide open, always hoping..."
Love you.