This is one of my favorite books. I especially like Meg's story line, even though Jo's is more interesting and Beth's is more moving - I like watching the inner-workings of a new wife and mother. Now, I am completely aware of the idealism portrayed in said book, but I'm o.k. with it - there's nothing wrong with shooting for the ideal. There are two scenes that particularly touch me, one is her wedding day and the other is her first fight with her husband. I'll comment on the wedding one maybe another time. As far as the other - Meg had decided when she got married to basically be the perfect wife. She decided that she would always have the house ready for company - her husband didn't have to tell her in advance if he decided to bring someone home for dinner. Well, the day he decides to take her up on this promise is the very day she has been battling with making and canning some jam. She looses the battle and the the kitchen, as well as herself are a complete mess and there is no supper. When her husband comes home with his friend - hoping to find the usual happy wife he instead finds a sobbing girl with jam all over her, he laughs at her predicament and asks her to basically pull it together for his guest. Here's where I ask myself what I would do in this situation - when I read the book I thought I would most definitely have laughed it off and created the perfect little dinner party out of thin air, but know I know the real answer, I would do just as Meg did. I would cry and get angry and tell him to figure it out on his own - and probably feel pretty justified, I might even "pull-it-together" while the guest was there and then let my beloved know exactly how I felt about the situation after the guest left.

I discovered this this weekend. It was one of the busiest weekends I have ever had - I will not go into the lists because I realized the lists just made it worse for me, I kept re-writing and stressing over them, which is the opposite purpose of the list. Anyway, I was barely staying above the breaking point when the bomb hit - we were supposed to be having small group at someoneelse's house and there was some miscommunication, and 3 hours before small group we discovered we must figure out another option - our apartment. Because of said crazy week our apartment looked like two people lived there who basically ran in, threw things around, ran out, then ran back in, put some dirty dishes in the sink and then fell in bed - while two cats shredded anything they could find on the floor - garlic, toilet paper, paper bags. There were new people coming to the group too, new people that needed to be impressed with my housekeeping and hostess skills , obviously. New people with children, children for whom I had planned a children's program - and children whom we had no where to put in our tiny apartment. Anyway, what did I do? I got angry, and I left all the "pulling-it-together" to my husband - who happily took it in order to avoid the tears of frustration. He did pull it together, alone. When I finally came to myself I was so ashamed. I always wanted to be the kind of wife who would be a true help-meet, who would stay calm in difficult circumstances and get things done with poise and grace. I learned the truth about myself and my husband - a bittersweet realization. When things are rough I can depend on him, but it may not work the other-way around. Marriage is one of the most difficult classrooms. I have learned so much about the selfishness within myself. I now believe this is one of the purposes for marriage, to teach us who we truly are - to take away our delusions. Once the smoke screen is gone we can get down to the business of repentance and growth.

In case your curious, we borrowed our neighbors house, who has plenty of room for children, seeing as how they have 2, and who, despite one parent working and the other going to school, have a very tidy home.
3 Responses
  1. Anonymous Says:

    I LOVED reading this. And I totally resonate. Sometimes, more often than I'd like to admit, I wallow in my own selfishness and self-pity. I reach this breaking point where I am so emotionally drained, and I feel as if I CANNOT, absolutely CANNOT physically do whatever the next practical task is that comes my way. It's so fully mental--I mean, there are emotional and physical needs that I have to be aware of--but so often I find it's my attitude that determines my ability. Some task will loom before me, unconquerable, and I will fail to rise. And then there will be times where my motivation is sufficient--I am preparing for favorite guests to come, I am getting ready for a trip to Oregon--and suddenly I find myself so cheerfully and even excitedly able to finish a chore that days before felt impossible.

    I am aghast at my own selfishness, and I totally agree that marriage really exposes it. Wait till you have those babies--ouch, it all comes even more into focus!


  2. Anonymous Says:

    AND, I had to tell you, I just had to laugh at your description of your husband cheerfully taking over while you went and moped.

    I can rely on my husband so much, and I KNOW that when I fall short, he will pick up my slack. I unfortunately also know that if I throw a big enough fit, he REALLY will pick up my slack, and I will get out of it while I go mope on my own. BOO!


  3. I love how you started with the illustration from the book then transitioned into real life. you are so right that when we see ourselves through our interaction in relationship, especially marriage, we have the opportunity to see who we really are. I say we have the opportunity, because it is a choice. we can continue to see things from our selfish point of view or we can choose to look at reality and how our own actions effect our spouse.
    I used to get bent out of shape about weird habits and trivial things but now I see that it isn't important. I only see the man who loves me completely and will be at my side during the good times and in the terrible life shattering times.
    that said however I do have those moments of "what". What do you mean food will be provided? we can't feed the whole church. we discussed potluck. kind of a tantrum discussion. It is hard to get rid of those completely, but I am growing in the words I choose and work really hard at making it a discussion rather than an accusation, or without becoming defensive.
    thanks for the chat Jodi. It is good to discuss wife things.