I'm wondering more and more if I'm supposed to be going in another direction in my life. I find that different things catch and hold my attention now. For example, I am taking graduate classes in English Literature - and I enjoy it - I enjoy reading and discussing literature. I get off about an hour and a half earlier on Mondays so that I have time to study for said classes - at one time that would have dominated my thoughts - study and research and be the best graduate student in the department. But now I find my mind instead wandering to recipes and furniture rearangement and ways to make healthy lunches ahead of time for my husband. And I enjoy it - I really enjoy it. I love that today he gets to eat stuffed green peppers for lunch instead of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich - and I love that I made enough muffins for breakfast and some black bean burgers for lunch for the next few days - and all the laundry is clean and folded - and reading over this now, it looks like a feminists nightmare come true huh? But I'm not a feminist, I am feminine though, and something inside drives me to do and enjoy such things, at least at this stage in my life. Instead of reading articles on Twain and Austen - I find myself searching out the blogs of mothers and wives - reading about their triumphs and disappointments, and taking to heart the lessons they have learned...storing them up in my mind until they are needed. And more and more everyday, I think of my child and how I will love and care for her or him.

I'm not sure what to do with such a change of heart - I work fulltime - I am not able to do these things I desire everyday, and I cannot have a baby simply to turn around a let someone else care for him or her. I do not want to become bitter that I have to work - I am going to praise God for the way He is providing, but I'm not going to stop also asking Him if there is another way - another route with an outlet to this domestic desire within me.