that's me - 27. yep. 27. *sigh*

It seems so odd to have the number 27 attached to me - descibing me. But not completely unpleasant - I think I do 27 well. Now, 12 I had problems with - I didn't fit 12. Really anything before 16 was a little too tight. 27 is more roomy - more space to be me. I am an adult and it is o.k. to act like one.

- went camping for my 27th birthday. It rained the whole time. the WHOLE time. The first two days Jonathan and I both tried to be upbeat and positive (when Jonathan's 2nd fire got rained out he almost lost it) but it was when we both decided that it sucked and we didn't like camping in the rain that it became fun. We laughed about it - pointed out all the absurdities of siting in a tiny tent all day - and it was fun. We spent a lot of time in town doing the things we enjoy - shopping for books, eating out - it wasn't a real camping trip, but it was a trip with the two of us, and we are really all we need.

So, happy birthday to me - 28 here I come!

I just got an e-mail from my advisor finalizing some stuff for me and at the end this is what she said "I think you've made good choices!" (with the exclaimation mark). That one sentence has made my day. I tend to take myself by surprise - the things that make me inexplicably happy, and apparently this is one of them. Probably this has something to do with some issues about being constantly worried about making the right choices - and to have affirmation that I did indeed make a good decision - sigh - I am content.

They are not clean and clear and easy to direct. Just because you tell them the right answer - it doesn't mean they will listen or care. Just because you point them in the right direction and say - "go that way" - it doesn't mean they will - more than likely they will just turn around again, and perhaps even just continue turning round and round till they are dizzy and don't know where they are. Sometimes I just want out - I want away from people and their issues, but of course, then I'm still there and my issues are still there. Sometimes I feel the need to sterilize my life - make things clean - make them straight-foward and right.

I find that some of the messiest people are Christians - people who are trying desperately to know God. Because it is those people who have to fight part of themselves, but who first have to decide which part to fight - messy, complicated. And I wonder what God thinks when he looks at us fighting, stuggling, pulling ourselves down, going in circles getting dizzy, complicated and messy. If he were me he would throw up his hands and say "What's wrong with you?! It's not that hard!" and then He would walk away. But, at least from what I know and can read about Him, He instead encourages the fighting and stuggling, holds us still when we've made ourselves dizzy from going round in circles - and isn't at all phased by our messiness.

Perfect God of holiness, put a piece of yourself in me - the piece that doesn't run away from messy people, but runs toward them.