Last Night before bed . . .
Jonathan: I have to work tomorrow.
Jodi: I know.
Jonathan: that means 7:30.
Me:
I know. You work every Monday and we always have to be there by 7:30. (I didn't say it, but I was thinking,
duh.) Jonathan: o.k.
This Morning . . .
Jonathan walks in at 7:23. I am standing at the stove in my pajamas about to pour the oatmeal into the pot.
Jonathan: Babe! are you not going to work today?!
Me: ofcourse I am. I'm just making some breakfast.
Jonathan: just stares in disbelief.
*the light bulb comes on over my head*
Jodi: Oh no! I forgot.
This is not a singular incident. I am notorious for this kind of thing. I don't know, I think I just block things out that I don't like, or don't deem that important at the time. For example, Jonathan tutors
every Thursday - it used to be on Monday and then I asked him to change it so we could have more time together on Mondays - because I get off work earlier. Well, I NEVER remember this change. Every Thursday I get upset when he reminds me he is tutoring - because I have inevitably made plans. goofy.
Well, remember when I said that unless something happened I would be a happy Christmas gift-giver this year? Something happened. We were about 5 minutes from home Saturday night when our Jeep began a gradual shut-down. First, the speedometer stopped working, then the radio shut off, and then the lights began getting dimmer and dimmer and dimmer, until there were no lights. I told Jonathan, "I bet God is just gonna get us home before this vehicle stops working." I was absolutely right. As soon as we turned into our driveway - she completely stopped. The altenator. One Hundred and Twenty Nine Dollars. It seems more dramatic when I write the numbers out. So, I asked myself, is God trying to tell me something about Christmas gifts? No, He's not. He's just blessing me.
1. I will get my Christmas bonus on Tuesday, just enough to cover the altenator.
Just enough. Which means, we can actually drive home for Christmas, and we don't have to go into any more debt to get it repaired.
2. It went out now, before I spent the money on Christmas gifts, and not while we were hurtling down an interstate somewhere in the wee hours of the morning. It went out just as we got home.
3. My dear husband, with a ton of homework for finals week hanging over his head, repaired our jeep. He worked on it for hours and hours. He looked at his manual, and he did it. I am so proud of my little city boy. He's learned so much about mechanics through this jeep. I am so impressed with him for even trying, much more so for actually doing it! I would have taken one look at those impossible diagrams and that greasy engine and said, forget it! But he stuck with it and what was broken is now in complete working order.
So, I am grateful. Very, very grateful. Merry Christmas.
I really, really like giving Christmas gifts - really. Since I've been married and all on my own - I haven't been able to buy any Christmas gifts, and it drives me crazy - I whine and complain and feel guilty - which is certainly NOT what Christmas is all about. I realize many find the whole gift-giving thing materialistic, but I want to give gifts to my friends and family - I don't feel like its mandatory, no one is actually upset when they don't receive a gift from me, they understand and are very supportive about it. But I want to. I love wrappinig them in the perfect, beautiful paper - looking at them for weeks under the tree, knowing I found THE PERFECT gift for everyone on my list. That's the best part, finding the perfect gift, everything individualized.
ANYWAY, I think this year I may have budgeted just right, and I may have a wee amount of money to spend for said gifts. I made my list, practical and inexpensive - and I am content. YAY! Unless something unforseen happens, and it very well could, I will be a happy little gift-giver this year.
I've tried so hard to be the perfect wife. The woman who keeps things looking nice, who makes sure we have breakfast in the morning, who is supportive - my husband's biggest fan, the woman who plans and organizes - and the woman who is constantly thinking of the other ways she can improve as a wife - trying not to look like a bum at home, becoming more in control of her emotions, learning to sew, and on and on and on and on. ...and then I hear - in a sweet, concerned voice...
"but I didn't marry a 'wife', I married you."
In all of this becoming I stopped being. Does that make sense? I had to step back this morning and take a look at things - I'm trying to please someone who doesn't exsist, and in the process I don't know what my real husband wants out of our marriage, and he has a hard time telling me because I'm always "trying so hard" to do things perfectly, so whenever he mentions something that he isn't happy with - I am destroyed, completely. In my mind it means I have failed. surely it shouldn't be that way - surely I shouldn't constantly worry about failing as a wife. Where does that come from? I'm sure I need some kind of psycho-analysis, but I will save that for another time. *sigh*
Having said this, I have no idea where to go next. My "little woman" train has been derailed and I'll have to find another mode of transportation..............
maybe a roadtrip with my husband, destination unknown.
Yes, I like that image. Maybe I just need to start "being", whatever that means. I need to relax, stop being so uptight - enjoy my husband. I guess. I really have no idea what I'm saying anymore, but maybe if I keep typing it will all come together, right?
At least everything is in my world. Here are a few updates.
- Thanksgiving was nice. Nice is a good word. It was relaxing - we ate later than usual, and the food was especially delicious - I'd like to think this was because I made pecan pie, sweet potato casserole, stuffing and mashed potatoes, I was quite the contributor :) I got to spend a good amount of time with everyone who needed it, which is a feat, let me tell you. I got to decorate some cupcakes too - I'll put up some pics later.
- My dear friend was baptized. It was wonderful. Actually, it was perfect. I'm so glad we were able to make it so special for her, and it was special - perfectly taylored to her. God, hold on tight to her and don't let us relax and think our job is done, it is just beginning.
- I am currently listening to Christmas music! Christmas music is always so robust and full - yes, that is exactly what it is. It just has a way of filling a room and commanding attention. I love Christmas. We are getting a real tree this year - and it's going to be real fun keeping the cats out of it :)
